I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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