the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
