I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Alive.
So much puke
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
