Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ok first of all what the fuck
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
