We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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