I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
