I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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