Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
