If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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