He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
