i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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