just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
