I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
