is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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