onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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