as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
