it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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