I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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