is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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