you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
