so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
