My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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