its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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