So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to calm my uterus...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
