there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He has the fingertips of a God
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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