Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
