Banned from zoo.
Again?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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