Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
