he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He passed out mid-signature
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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