Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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