dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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