And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
