I have demons in me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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