farters have to be the big spoon...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
