I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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