No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
