does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
