I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All the doctor said was why
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
