I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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