There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
