I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
