I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
