ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
