And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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