ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
