True but thats because hes a fetus.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
