I'm gonna have a badass scar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
