What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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