I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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