Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
