how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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