I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
