If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
